


Fictober drabbles - Shinra

by ladymcgilvra



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Fictober 2020, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:26:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 3,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26748037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladymcgilvra/pseuds/ladymcgilvra
Summary: A number of drabbles about Shinra employees for Fictober
Comments: 52
Kudos: 33





	1. That's the easy part

Rude watched as Reno prized the keys off the keyboard. He watched as he methodically laid down strips of damp paper towel. He watched as he sprinkled tiny seeds on the towel. Then he watched as he replaced every key.

“See?” His partner was triumphant. “He won’t suspect a thing.”

Rude almost asked why, but that risked being told the answer.

“Well, that’s the easy part. Can you pull up the picture of his desk? Can’t risk him noticing his pen is, like, 3mm out or something.”

He was humming a catchy little tune as he tidied up after himself.


	2. No, come back!

This time he chose his target carefully. Not married, not moving in a week, doesn’t prefer women. That last attempt had been a disaster.

“Nice legs, what time do they open?”

She looked up from her work. He knew what she saw, tall and handsome with dazzling blue eyes. He flashed her his signature smile. So, why was she scowling?

“I’m sorry, I have somewhere I need to be.”

“No, come back,” he called. But she was gone. He turned to his friend. “Man, what did I do wrong this time?”

“Zack, please stop letting Reno feed you pickup lines.”


	3. You did this?

Tseng’s favourite pen was missing. It was not a good day. He had asked Reno to give it back, but the man had sworn blind he didn’t know where it was. He had searched the redhead’s desk, which had only made him pout. 

Now he sat, pondering. Where else might Reno have hidden it?

A head popped round the door.

“Sorry, Sir, I’ve brought your pen back.”

“Cissnei? _You_ did this?”

“No, the Chief used it to write a note, and he accidentally took it with him.”

“I see. Thank you.” Maybe he shouldn’t jump to conclusions quite so quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder how many pranks Reno has pulled to make Tseng so suspicious.


	4. That didn’t stop you before

“‘Corporate Sensitivity Training.’ What kind of bull is this?”

“ _ Someone  _ has been upsetting the Admin staff.” Emma said.

“Don’t look at me, I’ve not been down there.” Reno put his hands up in mock surrender. “Anyway, I don’t want an interview with HR.”

“That didn’t stop you before.”

“I learned my lesson. If you don’t want to spend 4 hours getting yelled at, don’t get caught in the stationary cupboard with your trousers down.”

Her expression was priceless.

“So,” Cissnei kept her voice low, “are you going to stop egging Zack on?”

“Hell no. This is far too much fun.”


	5. Yes I did, what about it?

She dropped her purse on the desk with a thump, causing her coworkers to look up.

“Right, which one of you told Reno my new address?”

“What do you mean?” Emma asked.

“Last night I had a fucking stuffed Elfadunk delivered as a ‘housewarming gift’. It’s huge! I can barely get past it to get out the door!”

“Oh dear. That must be quite inconvenient.”

No one would admit to telling him, and Cissnei spent the rest of the morning fuming. At lunch she mentioned to Tseng that someone had given away her address.

“Yes, I did. What about it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's going to get in trouble soon...


	6. Unacceptable, try again

He leant back in the chair, tipping it. Wasn’t dumb enough to put his feet up on Tseng’s desk though. The Wutaiin’s stare bored into him.

Was this about the keyboard? That had been hilarious, he had returned from an away mission to find grass growing between the keys. Even the Chief had grinned when he thought no one was looking.

The silence was concerning.

“What did you want to see me about?”

“This.” Tseng turned his monitor and gestured to Reno’s latest report. “It’s unacceptable, try again, and use some punctuation this time.”

“C’mon boss, do I have to?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little more serious this time. :)


	7. Did I ask?

“Where are you going with that?”

Reno stopped, halfway up the stairs, and tried to hide the paint can behind his back.

“What do you mean Chief?” He plastered his best innocent smile on his face.

“I’ve known you too long for that to work.”

“Ah, yeah. Goin’ to do a little redecorating.”

“What? And do you have permission?”

“You wound me! It was Genesis’ idea.”

He gave a cheeky salute, and went on his way.

_ Hang on, SOLDIER quarters are downstairs and he was heading to the executive floor. Where is he… Actually, never mind. Why did I ask? _


	8. Will you look at this

“Will you look at this,” Reno gestured to his desk. On every flat surface, and for a good ten feet in all directions, were paper cups. Each filled with exactly one inch of water.

Rude couldn’t help it, he laughed.

“Hey, don’t laugh, help me figure out how to get through them.”

“I’d say, you’re going to have to pick them up. One by one.”

“No! What kind of sadistic bastard would do this?”

“Think about it. Who have you pissed off?”

“Uh, Emma, Cissnei, Rufus, Tseng, Reeve…”

“You pissed off  _ Reeve?  _ Is that even possible? What did you do..?”


	9. I'm not doing that again

Tseng bent low to whisper in his ear. Rufus nodded, and turned to his date.

“I’m so sorry, but I’m going to have to leave. The Turks will see you home safely. This has been.. nice.”

Once in the car he could finally breathe. It had been a special kind of torture. He hadn’t even known Heidegger had a daughter until the buffoon had brought up the idea of a date to his father. Mindful only of power and connections, the old fart had loved the idea.

It had been a torturous evening.

“Tseng, I am  _ not _ doing that again.”


	10. That was impressive

Rude stared at the photo. Whichever way he looked at it, that was impressive. Reeve’s entire office had been repainted in banana yellow. Posing in front of their handiwork were Genesis and Reno.

“He was not happy?”

“You’re tellin’ me, man. We had to repaint the entire place in ‘Vanilla Mist’ afterwards. Took three damned coats, too.”

“That’s why you’ve not come out after work?”

“Yeah, but don’t worry. I’ll be getting my revenge.”

He really should try to talk him out of it, but experience told him there was no point. Reno and boredom were  _ not _ a good combination.


	11. I can’t do this anymore

Something was wrong with the soap. It was slimy, wasn’t foaming properly, and smelled odd. Rude wandered over to wash his hands.

“Is it me,” Tseng asked, “or is the soap..?”

Rude stared at his hands, sniffed them.

“Huh? I think this is lube.”

Now, who would go to the trouble of filling the soap dispensers with… Stupid question really. He scrubbed the slippery goop off his hands, then dried them roughly on a towel. Sighing, he put his head in his hands.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“Sir?”

“Tell Reno, my office, five minutes. And get this mess fixed.”


	12. Not interested, thank you

“‘Not interested, thank you.’ That’s what she said.”

Zack was slumped on a bench.

“What did you say this time?”

“How do you like your eggs in the morning? Scrambled or,”

“Stop,” Kunsel pleaded, “I know how that one ends. I’m surprised she didn’t punch you.”

“But Reno said it was such a good one.”

“You’re lucky she didn’t swing for you. Zack, I’m pretty sure he’s pulling your leg, or he uses it for a laugh when drunk. Bad pickup lines won’t help you find love, just talk normally to women. They’ll see you’re a good guy soon enough.”


	13. I told you so

The temptation to say ‘I told you so’ was almost overwhelming. Rufus had to remind himself that, as the Vice President, that kind of behaviour was unbecoming.

The idiot guard had insisted that all dogs loved to play catch. He had tried to point out that Dark Nation was not a normal dog, but he just hadn’t listened. And surely a guard should not be quite so perturbed by the sight of blood?

“Come on, man, it’s not going to bite you. Surely you’ve seen a dead wererat before?”

“Sorry, Sir. I have, but not in _quite_ so many bits.”


	14. Watch me

“ _ This  _ was Scarlet’s idea?” Rude looked around at the chocobo farm. 

Tseng sighed. Surprisingly, this team building activity  _ had _ been her idea. No one knew why it was chocobo herding of all things.

“Hey, over here y’all!” 

Oh, no. Reno was seated on a chocobo already, a cowboy hat rammed down on his head, and looking like he was enjoying himself immensely.

“Watch me!” He kicked his heels and the bird took off like a rocket.

“Does he actually know what he’s doing?” 

“No..”

They watched as he slid sideways from the saddle and hit the ground with a thump.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was inspired by an actual team building event some of my colleagues were subjected to. Herding chickens...


	15. You don't see it?

“I think he’s got a lot of potential.” Veld tapped his fingers on his desk.

“He’s insubordinate, plays childish pranks on coworkers, continuously flouts the dress code, and his written reports would shame a schoolchild. Sir.”

“So you don’t see it, Tseng?”

“Of course I do, but he needs to take things more seriously.”

“I’ll have a word with him. Can you keep an eye out for more demanding missions? I’d like to test his mettle.”

“Yes, Sir.”

They needed another link in the chain of command. While Reno wouldn’t have been his choice, he found himself agreeing with Veld.


	16. Do we have to?

This was unusual. The Chief had assembled every Turk in Midgar, and he did not look happy.

“Listen up everyone. A specimen has escaped from the science department and is now loose in the building. We have been tasked with recapturing it by the President himself.”

“Why can’t they clean up their own mess?”

“I am given to understand this specimen is quite dangerous, Cissnei. They do not feel able to deal with it safely.”

“Do we have to?”

“What is it?”

“Yes we do, Emma. It is a dwarf tonberry.”

“Who the  _ fuck _ thought that was a good idea?”


	17. And neither should you

“Do you know why I’ve called you here, Reno?”

“In general, or specifically?”

“I have a complaint from Director Lazard. That in full view of everyone in the training room, you persuaded Zack to have a ‘Naked Competition.’” Veld sighed. “Just what  _ is _ that?”

“First one naked wins.”

“Wins what?”

“They just win.”

“You have to stop this. The occasional harmless prank is fine, but this is taking it too far. Just tone it down a little. I wouldn’t do something like that and neither should you. Have more pride as a Turk.”

“I understand, Sir. It won’t happen again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used to know two guys that did this regularly. No one ever figured out why.


	18. Are you kidding me?

“Aww, don’t we make a cute couple?”

Emma plastered a smile on her face and glared at Reno from behind her sunglasses.  _ Are you kidding me? _ Of all the people to be stuck on an undercover mission with..

“Hey, I can feel the hostility. We’re  _ meant _ to be in love,” he leaned in close, “if it’s any consolation, I wouldn’t have chosen me for this mission.”

“Not really,” she sniffed, “do you even know how to act like a couple?”

“Babe, I wouldn’t recognise a healthy relationship if it fell on me.”

That was certainly true.

“Just follow my lead.”


	19. Give me that

“IT’S A BOMB!”

An entire station full of commuters abruptly changed into panicking banshees. Well, all except one suddenly alert Turk.

Rude felt that it was a good way to start the day, he loved the adrenaline rush. He ran against the flow of the crowd, towards the terrified station employee. 

“Give me that.”

The man was panicking and looked like he was about to argue, but took one look at the Turk and thought better of it. Settling down in front of the open case Rude pulled a small toolkit from his pocket. 

This was going to be fun.


	20. This, this makes it all worth it

Reno’s scream could be heard all the way down the corridor. Sitting in a meeting room on the other side of the building, Emma grinned.

“Do you know something about that?” Tseng asked, intrigued.

“I might have tidied his desk for him while he was away.”

He almost spat out his coffee.

“That must have been quite the task.”

“It took me two days. But this,” she paused, listening to the sound of running feet, “this makes it all worth it.”

The redhead appeared in the doorway, uncharacteristically flustered.

“What have you done to me, Em?! I can’t find anything!”


	21. I missed this

The helicopter’s engine whined as the blades gathered speed. Reno settled back in the pilot’s seat, basking in the feeling. It had been too long since he’d been up in the skies.

“Y’know, partner, I missed this.”

“Mm.” Rude agreed.

He took the chopper into the air with practiced ease.

“Should we?”

“ _Hell_ yeah!”

They flew low over Midgar, searching for the perfect target. There, a wide road thronged with shoppers. 

Reno knew he was wearing a manic grin as they dipped down further until they were skimming over people’s heads. Then they were up, and off to the mission.


	22. Do I have to do everything here?

“Reno, what have you _done?_ ”

He turned to see Kunsel, panting, in the doorway.

“What do you mean?”

“Did you give Zack glitter and glue?”

“Yeah, he said he wanted to make a card. Somethin’ wrong with that?”

“He’s prohibited from using any form of glitter or glue.”

“Seriously? Why?”

“I can’t tell you, sorry, it’s classified. I’d better go stop him! Why do I have to do _everything_ here?” He took off, grumbling all the way down the corridor.

It had been a good idea, a Valentine's Day card from ‘Scarlet’ to Hojo. This was just an unexpected bonus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to give credit to Tumblr user im-totally-not-an-alien, for Final Fantasy prompts no. 53-7 "Zack Fair is hereby prohibited from using any form of glitter or glue. Why? It's Classified."


	23. How about you trust me for once?

“Man, how about you trust me for once?”

Tseng sighed, rubbing his temples. He trusted Reno, there was no one he’d rather have his back on a mission. But when it came to knowledge of obscure flora from the Northern Continent?

“I think it’s Icicle moss.”

“That’s only found up as far as Icicle Inn, Calamity’s Grass grows right to the glacier’s edge.”

“Okay, I’ll trust you,” he pencilled in the answer, “but if it’s wrong and we lose to the Science Department I’m docking your pay.”

“Sure thing, boss.” Reno grinned, confident. 

How the hell did he know that?


	24. Give me a minute or an hour

Tseng pinched the bridge of his nose. Did he really want to know why Reno was lounging outside the disabled toilet with several fire extinguishers and a couple of gas masks?

“What are those for?”

“Just a failsafe boss. We don’t think it’s gonna go bang.”

“We?”

“Me and Rude.”

“And what is he doing in there?”

“Just cooking up some nerve gas.”

There was nothing he could say to that.

“Give us a minute. Or an hour, I guess, and we’ll be done.”

“Just be careful. And next time, please find a better lab. With proper equipment and safeguards.”


	25. Back up!

It all happened so fast. One minute the club was packed, everybody dancing and the VP was sitting there drinking and laughing, and the next was carnage. It was like a bomb had gone off.

Well, maybe not so much ‘like a bomb’, and more ‘actually a bomb’. Reno surveyed the smoking wreckage cynically. Ew, was that a leg? Smelled like it.

Without speaking, he and Rude ushered Rufus out through the back door. Predictably, there were a group of thugs waiting.

“Back up and let us pass.”

“Make us, Turk.”

“With pleasure.” He smiled, the evening was looking up.


	26. Just say it

“I know you don’t think I can do it. Just say it and get it over with!”

“When did I say that?” Tseng asked, ignoring the heat in the other man’s tone.

“You pulled me off the damn case,  _ Sir _ .” 

“And you think we pulled you off because we didn’t think you are good enough? 

He just scowled.

“That case is not important in the grand scheme of things. We pulled you off because we need you elsewhere. We need our number three man in Junon ASAP.”

“What do you mean?” Skepticism warred with pride on his face.

“Congratulations, Reno.”


	27. All I ever wanted

“I’ve reset your password Sir, it’s ‘p455w0rd’. Can you try it for me now?”

Reno tried typing it in. The security terminal unlocked.

“Works great, thanks.”

“Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“No, thanks. That’s all I ever wanted.”

“Thank you Sir. Have a good day!”

He changed a few settings, and hit play on the video loop. Looking over at Rude, he could see the unconscious body of the security guard was stowed neatly under the desk.

“Man, they didn’t even make it hard. Like they want us to break in.”

“Yeah, a real amateur operation.”


	28. Sometimes you can even see

“Another employee handbook. Already?” Emma sounded unimpressed.

“What do you mean?” Maur asked. He was new here, recently recruited from Costa del Sol.

“We get one every few months, it’s a pain in the ass.”

“Yeah,” Cissnei broke in, “sometimes you can even see what Reno did to cause it, if you look hard enough.”

A few minutes later she had found it. In the Dangerous Substances section. 

_ 5.3.12 Nerve agents and other hazardous chemicals must be mixed only in a laboratory setting. _

“Damn, looks like it was Rude this time. Seems I owe you 50 gil, Em.”


	29. I never wanted anything else

“You know, I never wanted anything else.”

Reno grinned. “Go on, open it!”

Rude obliged. His partner rarely gave up once he had made up his mind. Usually it was easier to just give in. Nestled in the wrapping paper was a knitted skull cap, perfectly matched to his skin.

“See, now you can be warm and still bald.”

Rude couldn’t help but chuckle. He reached under his desk and handed over his own gift. Reno’s eyes lit up, and he tore into it, held up the reindeer made of corks, and burst out laughing.

“Thanks, man. This is perfect!”


	30. You better leave now

“You!” Kunsel stood there, arms folded. “You better leave. Now.”

“But he’s helping me get ready. Can he stay? Please?”

“Seriously, you need  _ his _ help like you need a hole in the head.”

Reno jumped down from the locker. Poor Zack looked really confused, he had asked for help getting ready for a date. He needed it.

“I am here to help. On my honour as a Turk.”

“Turks have honour?”

“We do! I think. Now, unless you want him to go in leather and spandex, he needs help.”

“I see. Okay, you can stay, but you’d better behave yourself.”


	31. I trust you

Cissnei slammed the door shut behind her, wide-eyed and panting.

“Director Scarlett’s on the warpath. Someone put a paint bomb under her chair cushion!”

“It wasn’t me!” Reno snapped. “Even I’m not that stupid.”

An awful idea occurred to them.

“Zack?” They said in unison. Thankfully, a quick check showed he was out on a mission.

At that point Veld walked in.

“Chief, I didn’t do it. I swear.” Reno began.

“I trust you not to do something that stupid. However, where did you leave that yellow paint?”

“In Reeve’s office. Why?”

“The paint used was a rather unusual yellow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading this! I’ve really enjoyed writing it.


End file.
